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Every day jokes....
by Admin Thu 12 Sep 2019, 7:26 pm
A rough looking guy goes into a pub in Wigan and orders a drink. The barman says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it. He replies, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"
The barman says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque." "Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster.
He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down the bar, runs across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing a tune. And he's really good.
The barman says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the barman for another. "Money or another miracle, or else no drink", says the barman.
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvellous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar goes over to the guy and offers him £300 for the frog. "It's a deal." He takes the money and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger heads out of the bar.
The barman says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for £300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."
"Not so", says the guy...............
"The hamster is also a ventriloquist."
The barman says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque." "Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster.
He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down the bar, runs across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing a tune. And he's really good.
The barman says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the barman for another. "Money or another miracle, or else no drink", says the barman.
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvellous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar goes over to the guy and offers him £300 for the frog. "It's a deal." He takes the money and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger heads out of the bar.
The barman says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for £300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."
"Not so", says the guy...............
"The hamster is also a ventriloquist."
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Re: Every day jokes....
by Admin Wed 18 Sep 2019, 7:28 pm
called in on my mother today as she was preparing her lunch. "Would you like a cup of tea and an ox tongue sandwich"?
"Good grief mum...I can't think of anything as repulsive", "You'll never get me to eat anything that has been in an animal's mouth" I said.
"What would you like then"? asked my mother. "Can you make me a boiled egg sandwich"?
"Good grief mum...I can't think of anything as repulsive", "You'll never get me to eat anything that has been in an animal's mouth" I said.
"What would you like then"? asked my mother. "Can you make me a boiled egg sandwich"?
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Weatherwax- Posts : 988
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Location : Southport
Re: Every day jokes....
by Admin Wed 09 Oct 2019, 7:21 pm
Two priests were determined to make a real vacation in Hawaii by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' female came walking straight towards them ...... They couldn't help but stare.
As she passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous woman came walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied ........
'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen' ...
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' female came walking straight towards them ...... They couldn't help but stare.
As she passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous woman came walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied ........
'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen' ...
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