Porkie Pies

What porky did your mam an dad tell you when you were little.  

The ice cream man only plays his tune when he has no ice cream left. I think everybody heard that one

A man comes down the chimney and leaves presents.

Eating Carrots Will Let You See in the Dark

When a bluebottle came indoors my Dad would say " watch this magic" hed open a door to say "go on out" of course it would go out 'cause it was the draught that it felt.

youll get square eyes watching all that telly

I worked with a fellow who told me his 5 th birthday co- incided
with the queens coronation day , and as they were absolutely skint
his parents told him that all the buntings and street parties were
for his birthday , he said he was 8 before he realised he'd been had:(

Poor lad, still he must have been chuffed.

If you cross your eyes, they'll get stuck that way."

If you don't go to sleep Father Christmas won't leave you any presents....whaaaaa.